the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
