where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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