So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Everything about him screamed your future.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
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I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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