i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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