I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
