Pants 0. Shit 1.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
