I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
