Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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