It's Friday. Sex?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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