I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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