I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Can you bring me the toilet please
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
