I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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