By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
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Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
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We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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