Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
