A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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