awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
