last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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