Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
