I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
