Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
