i think i have two assholes
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
