capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
