if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
