Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize