I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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