You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I showed him my bush... on skype.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
