Screwed.edu
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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