Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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