I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
