true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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