help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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