Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
