if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
