phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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