it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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