Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
