i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
