I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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