I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
