I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
