Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
