He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
