I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
