my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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