Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
