At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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