My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
