i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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