For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
