yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
