Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
