thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
