Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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