she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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