he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
