Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
