umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
