If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
