First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
