Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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