So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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