i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
