I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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