Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
