Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
