Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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