Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
