my sisters under your porch take her home
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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