Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
