he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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