At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
