i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
