He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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